Beautiful dreamer, wake unto me,
Starlight and dewdrops are waiting for thee;
Sounds of the rude world heard in the day,
Lull'd by the moonlight have all pass'd away
this is the 2nd ver of what i am feeling like, sadly,the orginal one,which is much better than this one,was lost due to how2unblock.com hanged. hope this not so orginal feeling of mine could express myself proper.
ok....so....china students finished their university exam（whateva) i see the 作文topics i want to die liao...i can only do the beijing topic....if i take it in china i confirm kana 0 mark..............
felt dam scared at the same time relieved...cuz i no ned take...... but yet...i felt that there is really a must to study harder cuz i have the opportunity to....unlike many others........
.....ok,i am inproving but the speed of my improvment is too slow to be happy about.....
basically,life is still the same xcept for that there is a strong hope for life and energy which i had lost...and never since found..
ok lar,im not in the mood to talk,maybe this is all for today......
LIVING.out.of.REALITY; 10:34 AM
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
i feel very troubled and uncertain abt life.I felt really pressured by myself for not able to achieve my goals.
i just felt:when could i have a holiday? a long holiday,where i could let me just be myself.......................
im tired of almost everything. Yes,i love flute, i agree that i love FPS games too not to mention my studies, those subjects which i had been friends with since so many years ago.......... i love my countries too, born and spend the first 7 years of my life in china, it had a emotional bond with me, stayed in singapore since pri1, singapore is just like my second home, though i always knew that my school mates never treat me like one of their own. yet i enjoyed staying there, if someone is to tell me that from now on i could not go back to that wonderful country which i had so much memories which i held so dear, i couldnt bear. i just couldnt,and that,is for china as well.
i always liked flute,FPS game,and study. but theres always a time where you feel that you couldnt take it anymore. this is my limit(or maybe not)
i couldnt play flute as per normal as the 'thing' that is growing on my lips seriously changed the height where i usually put my flute and most of the time i just couldnt make any sound at all. This is painful.
FPS?被虐可不是我能接受的,i can now become MVP if i am lucky...though my records are bad lar.. 28 kills with 28 deaths,first in the game, followed by someone who joined halfway through the game and had a 27-3 kill-death ratio.....
i dont want to say more about studies.
lets get to another topic which i wanted to talk abt.
i went back to china,in hope to find a cure for my 心病,i thought that if i go back to the place i had my deepest memories and happiness i could go a bit near to the state of mind which i had when i was in pri 3. when i was hopeful about life and believed if i work hard enough,i could overcome anything.
which i dont believe any more. and i am trying to find that lost emotion in me again,because i found that it is the one thing that drived me to work hard.
i thought that if i feel more of the chinese students' attitude towards studying and be closer to the chinese students, then i could find my lost hope again.
i guess i am both right and wrong. when i see the chinese students,walking on the street,in couples or 3s,4s even 5s or more, i started to feel really emo,i began to think why couldnt i be a part of them?i have the right too,i am born here too,why must i be without friends when they could have so many friend?
i began to think,is it really worth for me to go to singapore in the first place,giving up my everything which i could get in china. Yes,i admit that if i stay in china, i will probally become one of those gangsters on the street or something, or i will just be this aberage people who have no future.
but yet,i felt that really,its a bit too much for me,when i see the students,i just felt that i shoudl be a part of them,i should just be like them,having my own friends, worrying about the national exam which would decide on which high school i will go to.
i want to be like them,playing basketball, table tennis,go to the snack shop which is near the school to buy some snacks to eat, hang around in school with friends during the lunch break.
not to mention that you could cycle to school, this is a really wonderful thing which i always wanted to try.cycle to school..... how great and wonderfull would that be?
suppose this is all which i wasnt to say today... more on 2mr i suppose.
LIVING.out.of.REALITY; 9:11 PM
(profile)
Yo!
hello, i am haocheng,also known as ziddaneLegend ,im a from RI
im in RIMB batch of twenty11 and i plays flute
dream to be the best(doesnt seem possible)
wishes to be the best also.......wana know more,pls add my msn:haocheng@singnet.com.sg(you have to tell me who u r first!)
