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Saturday, April 11, 2009

I am emo

I have been emoing alot theseadays....and i cant help it.
i must admit that i am a very emotional ppl and i can
really draw strength from my happy memories but at
the same time i could be really sad due to my unhappy
memories/bitter memories.

Today i went to church....Chinese one....i felt very happy,
a sense of being home with them.....all of them from the
Chinese department are from china.....and all the peeps
from the eng department is white.....the church is pretty
new lar.....only established in sept 2008.really new rit?

Anyway...when i was listening to this part which is talking
abt what is the most important thing and who is the most
important person,without knowing,tears had been sliding
down on my face while i was drawn into my memories of
that time.............I felt really sad.....i understand that it will
be best if i can just forget everything...but i cant,cuz i am
too emotional a person to forget such things..........emotions
were great boosts,but that was long long ago.

There was a point of time,when just a smile from her could
make me last a whole 2 days high-spirited. However now....
i am already to hurt to be so naive.What i could only manage
it to be happy for a few mins and let myself be overwhelmed
by emoness again.........

Um...guess this is why love is an double edged sword...or
dagger...what ever! cuz i benefited from love but at the same
time,i was hurt by love and it took far more than what i have
gained or maybe not. Maybe if theres no love i might not have
been good enough to go to RI...but if theres no love at least i
would not have to be so emo...which is causing my studies to go
down also.........so....love or no love.......i dono.....
I couldnt choose the other path since i tried this one or the
world would be filled up by successful ppl who tried a few
different paths of life so that they could become successful.....

But i really feel that i need her......she is someone whom gives
me the feeling of secureness and made me work hard....i dono
why am i saying this............

But at the same time,i noe..........we hav chosen different paths
of life and most likely we will never be crossed on our journey
of life again.......how sad...but life is like that...isnt it?Maybe i
am just a sour grape who do like to see or even imagine her
with a boyfriend who smokes....her current BF...............it hurts
my heart............but i am in no position to stop her.........Who i
am to her? a no body now.......

So....i guess i will have to allow her to chose for herself bah.....
hope she will turn back in time

LIVING.out.of.REALITY;
10:59 PM